I can feel it coming on. It is the first of the month again, and that means full time work and stress. I am the account manager at a property management company and so that means that for the next two weeks I will be collecting rents, creating late charges and eviction notices, paying owners, creating statements, talking to tenants and owners and answering about 50 emails a day. I hate this time of the month and feel like a horrible mom when it comes around. It lasts for about 2 weeks. Ug.
How many of us go through these feelings of guilt? Knowing our kids need us, knowing we have work, church, or other responsibilities which require us to choose where we are going to spend our time. For a long time I was able to be at home with my kids, but recent events in my life have left me feeling like a single mom with extra expenses and less time than ever. Just because our kids are older, doesn't mean we don't need to be there for them. It's a catch twenty-two...if I spend time with the kids, then my work and paycheck suffer (which eventually means we suffer). If I spend the time at work, I don't get to see my kids and they suffer (at least I think they might - maybe? Okay, I suffer!). Last month there were at least 3 days that I didn't get to see my teenage son till about 11:00 at night.
This is my guilt trip, and I know, that some of you have guilt trips that you take too. These are the things that will help:
1) eat right - I don't have to explain this...you know what it means.
2) sleep enough (this means more than 6 hours/night - otherwise you will cry a lot)
3) take vitamins (duh - and while you're at it, wash your hands, keyboard, mouse, and phone often)
4) get some type of daily exercise (even 10 minutes is a good start--- I'm trying to do this better!)
In other words, take care of yourself!
Also, do this:
5) tell your kids and loved ones often that you love them - they need to hear it, and you need to say it!
6) listen, be calm, and respond with love and confidence - regardless who you are dealing with
7) believe in yourself; have faith that God will help you and do your best
8) don't compare yourself to others - you will only be comparing your worst to their best
9) be realistic about what you can and can't do... prioritize and delegate or ask for help if you can't get all the necessary things done
10) laugh - find something to laugh at, it will brighten your day.
Now, I know I am bossy, but I can also learn...so if you have other great suggestions for dealing with stress and guilt, let me know!
For those of you who read my other blog over at Bossy, you'll know I just copied this...see, lazy blogger as I said last week. Oh, more guilt! Nah, just kidding, that doesn't cause me guilt, just go read my other blog...I'm more consistent there.
Writing
3 years ago
3 comments:
Kristen,
Yes, I can so relate! I think I have always felt I was almost drowning in guilt! Have I taught them enough, said the right thing in the right way, I could go on and on.
However, recently I recieved some great advice. Maybe it was just them timing, because I'm sure I've heard it before. This time it rang true for me and has made a huge difference. I am feeling joy again as a mom instead of constant guilt.
I'm sure I will be rambling, so bare with me. It also will probably seem like obvious information to you......but here goes.
When I parent with guilt, or even fear,(that i'm not enough,)I do not feel joy and my parenting skills go WAY down. My parenting comes out more anxious and stressed. I start confusing my stewardship and owning what is not mine.
The other way feels totally different. I feel vision of who they are and what they will be. I am comfortable with being an imperfect parent!! God will make up the rest. I remember they are Heavenly Fathers children and I get my answers of what to do from him(in my better moments!)The biggest change is the way I look at challenges/problems/mistakes that either I or my children are facing. Because I am ok with my imperfections, I am ok with theirs. HARD things are good. We will be ok, we will get through this. When I have this in my heart, my message to them says,"I know this is hard, but if anyone can make it with having few friends...it is you! "This doesn't worry me!" or " I would rather spend time with you then doing anything else, but if anyone can handle seeing their mom less then ideal..it is YOU. If anyone can still have a wonderful relationship with our crazy schedule, it is us!" I'm confident, more at peace and look at ths stumbling blocks as ways of growth. Our children will gain strength from less then ideal situations, if we let them and don't feel sorry for them!!
I also think being "ok" with our imperfections and where we are now,while having the vision of what we are becoming,(becoming is much different then achieving.) is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.
I'm sure this was way more information then you ever wanted! I'm sure writing my thoughts was more for me then anything else. Thanks for getting me thinking.
Happy Holidays! Send me your address, I would love to send you a christmas card!
Love, Jolyn
Jolyn, Thank you for this great comment! I needed to hear it too. We've been going through some rough stuff here and I do think that my kids can handle it, and that we can handle it. Maybe I need to express that to them more, rather than worry so much that they have to go through this hard stuff.
Thanks again!
Yes, but that doesn't mean it is fun or easy!:) You have been on my mind a lot.
The love,friendship,and respect you have for your boys is so evident in everything you write. They are blessed to have you.
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