What You Can Learn

Lucky me!  I am a substitute teacher.  This fall I have had the blessing of working primarily with children with disabilities.  And this is what I've learned by observing them:

If someone hurts you, tell them that they hurt you, and if they don't apologize, tell someone who will sympathize with you.

If you want to play with someone, ask them if you can play.  If they say "no", then find someone else to play with.

Don't worry if you can't play ball very well.  You can find someone else who will still want to play it with you.

It's okay to sit and watch others if that is what you want to do, but if you want to get up and play, then do that.

Be nice to others, and if they aren't nice back, then find someone else and be nice to them. 

This post is prompted by one student in particular who I've been working with.  He is always nice to other kids.  He will walk up to someone he doesn't even know and say, "Can I play with you?" and almost always they say "yes".  And if they don't he turns around and finds someone else to ask.  He isn't super good at any particular sport, but every recess he finds someone who will play with him, regardless of his skill.  Sometimes he is content to sit and watch.  Sometimes he gets up and asks to play.

I have been impressed by this student's perseverence and positive attitude. I think we would all be much happier if we were more honest with ourselves and others.  If we just asked, if we gave people the benefit of the doubt - that if we ask them, they will probably say yes.

I'm going to work on this more.  I often wish I had someone to do something with, but I rarely call anyone and ask, because they are probably busy, they will probably say "no".  Actually, I learned this.  I used to call people, but I did get a lot of "no's".  But after watching this little kid I've realized it's okay, I can just call someone else.  Or, I can make plans for a future date if my friend can't play when I call. 

It's amazing what you can learn, if you just observe.

Moving Forward

We all have times in our life when we just move forward.  Regardless of what weight we have pulling on us, we just go forward.  Moment by moment, step by step.

Today I had the opportunity to work for a while with three other women of various backgrounds and life circumstances.  As we talked and got to know each other I found out that one of the women got divorced about a year ago.  She is happily remarried, although her relationship with her ex-husband is very bitter.  Another of the women is at retirement age, but still working part time and her husband retired recently.  She is struggling a little with him being home all the time without a passion or hobby to occupy his time.  She also cares for her aging mother who lives with her.  The other woman is recently separated from her husband, and he has moved to another state with her youngest child who is still in high school. They will probably be divorcing and may have to file bankruptcy.

As we talked, the topic of doing the best you can, in spite of your circumstances was a recurring theme.  I shared how a friend of mine was paralyzed in a car wreck when she was 19.  I have been with her numerous times when people have said, "I just don't know how you do it.  I couldn't handle it.  I just couldn't do it."  On a few occasions she has responded with, "Well if it happened, you would have to handle it.  You would either handle it well, or you'd handle it poorly."  After sharing this bit of wisdom, we all nodded in agreement.  Things happen, you don't get to choose everything that happens in your life, you only choose how you respond.  The retired lady said to me, "Well, you are so cheerful, you will be okay."  To which I responded, "I guess if it's going to happen and I can be happy, hopeful and positive, or I can be negative and morose, my choice is to be happy.  It's the only choice I can make."

The past 18 months have given me circumstances to which I have had to choose my response.  I couldn't control the facts, just my way of dealing with them.  As a result of the facts, I separated from my husband.  Financially, it was the worst thing we could do, but emotionally, I had no choice.  During the 8th month of our separation I was laid off.  Three months later, he moved back in, because we were going under financially.  He had taken a paycut at work, rather than being laid off, and I couldn't find another job.  The financial drain has been ongoing, and it has been one of the most draining things I've ever experienced.  During this same time, I found my relationships with my family and extended family stressed, some of them to the point of breaking.  I've lost a few dear friends who no longer will return my calls or emails.  And now, I am just a few weeks away from my divorce being final. 

If you were to ask my friends how I am doing, they would say that I am doing well, handling it all amazingly well.  And they would be right 95% of the time.  This is a choice.  Sometimes I make it for myself, sometimes I make it for my kids.  Sometimes I make it because I feel I have no other choice.  And sometimes, I make a different choice - but not for very long.  I choose to be happy.