We all have times in our life when we just move forward. Regardless of what weight we have pulling on us, we just go forward. Moment by moment, step by step.
Today I had the opportunity to work for a while with three other women of various backgrounds and life circumstances. As we talked and got to know each other I found out that one of the women got divorced about a year ago. She is happily remarried, although her relationship with her ex-husband is very bitter. Another of the women is at retirement age, but still working part time and her husband retired recently. She is struggling a little with him being home all the time without a passion or hobby to occupy his time. She also cares for her aging mother who lives with her. The other woman is recently separated from her husband, and he has moved to another state with her youngest child who is still in high school. They will probably be divorcing and may have to file bankruptcy.
As we talked, the topic of doing the best you can, in spite of your circumstances was a recurring theme. I shared how a friend of mine was paralyzed in a car wreck when she was 19. I have been with her numerous times when people have said, "I just don't know how you do it. I couldn't handle it. I just couldn't do it." On a few occasions she has responded with, "Well if it happened, you would have to handle it. You would either handle it well, or you'd handle it poorly." After sharing this bit of wisdom, we all nodded in agreement. Things happen, you don't get to choose everything that happens in your life, you only choose how you respond. The retired lady said to me, "Well, you are so cheerful, you will be okay." To which I responded, "I guess if it's going to happen and I can be happy, hopeful and positive, or I can be negative and morose, my choice is to be happy. It's the only choice I can make."
The past 18 months have given me circumstances to which I have had to choose my response. I couldn't control the facts, just my way of dealing with them. As a result of the facts, I separated from my husband. Financially, it was the worst thing we could do, but emotionally, I had no choice. During the 8th month of our separation I was laid off. Three months later, he moved back in, because we were going under financially. He had taken a paycut at work, rather than being laid off, and I couldn't find another job. The financial drain has been ongoing, and it has been one of the most draining things I've ever experienced. During this same time, I found my relationships with my family and extended family stressed, some of them to the point of breaking. I've lost a few dear friends who no longer will return my calls or emails. And now, I am just a few weeks away from my divorce being final.
If you were to ask my friends how I am doing, they would say that I am doing well, handling it all amazingly well. And they would be right 95% of the time. This is a choice. Sometimes I make it for myself, sometimes I make it for my kids. Sometimes I make it because I feel I have no other choice. And sometimes, I make a different choice - but not for very long. I choose to be happy.
Writing
3 years ago
8 comments:
Thank you Kristin, for your open honesty and for sharing your outlook. You couldn't be more right! So many of us can look backward in amazement at the circumstances we've found ourselves facing -- but looking backwards is of little use beyond wondering what we've learned from the experience. Looking forward is so much more proactive and hopeful. As you look forward, know that there is something wonderful and very positive out there for you! You're a beautiful person, and I know you've very loved. Bless you!
It's all going to be ok, because, you are pretty. ;) (Doesn't that make you feel better?)
Seriously though Kristen, you are remarkable. Your boys are blessed to have you for a mother. Your example of resilience and love blesses us all.
We keep you all in our constant thoughts and prayers. xoxoxoxoxo
You have been on my mind so much. I worry about you and the incredible stress you are under. I admire your "pull-myself-up-by-the-bootstraps" attitude and your choice to be happy.
I love you.
This is wisdom for the ages. These thoughts are really touching and inspiring. You have done so much soul-searching and careful decision making and I admire how you have decided to persevere in doing what you know is right, and to do your best being happy through it all.
You are always wonderful to be around, you are fun and funny and smart and witty. But even when you are down you are still good company. To make the choice to be happy in the midst of all this mess is the best choice you could make, and a heroic choice, too. I love you, KK!
Kristen, there is such genuine goodness that radiates from you. Your words always make me think, as did this post. I wish I could give you a hug during that 5% of the time. Your boys are so blessed to have your example of strength, courage, and faith.
I haven't seen you for many years-yet there is a special place in my heart for you. I am sorry for your
pain, you don't deserve any of it. However, I have no doubt you will rise above it all. Please take care of yourself, love you.
Thank you for your kind messages to me. It is nice to hear your support.
Somehow I missed this when you posted it ... just noticed it now.
Kristen I've been so impressed with your strength and perseverance during this time. I've actually been totally out of the loop for most all of it ... my bad I should have been closer - call me self-absorbed.
I've always had confidence that you've been making the right choice, and now is no exception. My prayers are with you and your family that you'll feel our love and support.
I missed this the first time also, but seriously, I'm not a reliable blog follower.
You have handled this, and so much more, gracefully and admirably. I think you are an awesome example for all of us, and I am one of your most dedicated fans. I love you.
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