Life, Love, Goals, and Things That Matter

by Kristen

The other day I was spending time with two friends of mine, I'll call them Lori and Lucy. Lori is rather slim, and Lucy is more like me, and would like to lose a large amount of weight. I was surprised how often in the short time (30 minutes) that we were together, that Lucy brought up her weight or her looks in a degrading way. We weren't talking about it, but she seemed to pull it into the conversation.

After Lucy left I mentioned to Lori that I wished Lucy wouldn't put herself down so often. Lori agreed with me and we went on talking about hair and other things. We didn't dwell on it, but later I thought about it again. I thought about my perceptions of her. Until that time, I had never really considered her weight at all. She was just a beautiful woman who was a friend. I was aware that she is larger than average, but hadn't spent a single thought on it.

I know other people to whom weight is of supreme importance. They can't have a conversation about food without bringing up weight, they can't describe someone without mentioning weight...and I don't mean like "Oh, she is tall and slim" or "well, she's got brown hair, she's shorter and a little bigger than average." No, I'm referring to the conversation that goes, "Well, she is really big, I mean, she's gained like 60 pounds since high school. She used to be so pretty. You know her brother has a weight problem too. It's so sad." As if that is the only feature of this person with any degree of importance.

Me in high school at about 117 lbs.

As a woman who has struggled with my weight since I thought I was huge and fat in high school weighing a grand total of 117, and eventually came to weigh at least twice that, I can tell you, my weight has almost nothing to do with who I am. It is not important to my success, my relationships, my personality, my morals, my beliefs, and my character. That is not to say it doesn't matter to me. The first sentence of this paragraph states that I have struggled. I have. It is difficult to be large, it is frustrating to try over and over and not find the success in this one arena of my life. I don't care to look at my naked body in a mirror, and I don't love shopping for clothes. I am still trying to lose weight. Every day I think about it, I think about some of the limitations it puts on me. I am aware of how society perceives me. Every day I make some effort, I exercise, I deny myself that cookie, that chocolate, etc. And yet I still am overweight... dare I say it? - Fat. But you know what, in spite of my weight, I really do like myself.

I am intelligent. I am attractive - I have great hair most of the time. I have beautiful eyes and a nice smile. I really like my nose. I have strong legs and a healthy functioning body, could it be healthier? Heck yes, but I still am grateful for it. I have a good sense of humor, and I am honest. I try to be considerate of others and I am a dang good mom! I am a loyal and hardworking employee. I enjoy spending time with my family and my friends. I have lots of varied interests including traveling, books, swimming, and pottery among others.

All this brings me back to Lucy, and the impact that weight has on us.

I remember about 5 years ago, I was at my heaviest weight and a woman who I didn't know very well came up to me at church and said, "You are one of the prettiest women I know. I love your hair and eyes." She has no idea what that meant to me. I can honestly say that I think it had been probably 5 years since anyone other than my husband had given me a compliment on my looks, not my clothes, but my looks.

So here is my bit of bossing for you today:

1) If you know someone who is heavier, get to know them, who are they really? What are their interests? Are they enjoyable to spend time with? They may be, they may not (not all fat people are jolly - and not all thin people are gorgeous). But don't define them by their weight.

2) If you are larger yourself: Think about who you are. You are more than your weight, your body, your scale number. Think about what you like about yourself. Ask yourself what makes you a good friend, a good mom, a good sister, a good citizen. Learn to like yourself.

3) When you are out and about: compliment people, all people. Really look at them and find the beauty that God gave them. Find something wonderful to share with them. Tell them about a time they made a positive impact in your life. Or share a treasured memory of them to remind them that they have a place in your heart.

All of the Bossy Sisters, our mom, and Robin's oldest daughter in Mazatlan. Emily and Sally were both pregnant!

4) When you are talking with others: Don't talk about weight; yours, theirs, or anyone else's. Weight doesn't matter and it just makes you a bore to be around. And people question why you can't see past such a surface issue. Talk about life, love, goals, and things that matter.

And last of all...love yourself, regardless of your size!